BYE

I'm leaving a trail.

Alanna, get a tumblr pwease.

At least I'm not as sad

fun. make me happy!

It's burnin' us!

Wait, what?

God, none of this is a big deal. I'm such a fucking little baby sometimes.

Isn't it funny how you can relate some albums entirely to your situations at that point in time? I love that.

Last night was almost entirely miserable. Thank god I've always been able to laugh, if you catch my drift. 

I can't wait to leave. I can't wait for these to kick in. 

Just little rocks!

Make it easy

I keep biting my tongue because I want to say it still. I want to tell you, but I think I just get caught up. It may be I'm just scared I won't hear it again. You stomped on all my bubbles.

MARYANNE'S A BITCH.

I don't like breakfast. I wouldn't eat it there. No thank you.

I didn't think I could write, so I didn't change a thing. Either way I didn't try. Everything just ran its course. Is is simply this or shall I see you at 10? I don't have the highs, I swear there are none. I should have seen this one coming from you. Yes, sure, great lunch. 

Things are looking up, but now I don't want to leave you. I need to stop telling myself so many silly things. Though no one else seems to have any answers for me.

So many you's. Who!?

The last last one

I'm thinking of you less, more concerned and more is less. I guess it doesn't matter now. I guess we'll never go insane. I talk to them again now. And nothing happens in the end, but I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago. 

Apparently when my mind is made up it's for good.

Apparently I never follow through with my decisions.

HUH

NM

Absolutely nothing I have been writing is worth while.

Die

Oh, brother. 

Can't sleep, can't think.

I am going to have a nice day.

You're so goddamn young

You say my friends are stupid, but at least I can say they're nice. Seriously, the scummiest people I know.

GAYgayGAYgayGAYgayGAYgay

SORRY!?

But, I'm fine and I kinda gotchu back =)

All different names for the same thing

This is awful.

Too loud

Just woke up after sleeping for 15 hours. I could have gone for longer. Hibernating was interrupted by a really weird phone call. I feel bad because I wasn't entirely awake, but apparently I just lost a best friend. Not lost per say, but no longer able to hang out. I understand, I do, but shit this really sucks.

In other news, I think I'm feeling pretty insecure about myself which is weird and stupid. I've got to stop that. 

I can't decide whether I want the summer to end or to go on forever. I guess I just can't decide which will be worse: this or fall. It's probably this and I've still got 10 more days of May plus 2 and a half more months. Not feelin' it.

I want things to be like they used toooooo.

Just Stay

I can't sleep. 

Today was an awful Mother's Day, at least in my opinion. I didn't get woken up for any of it. I bought my mom a sympathy card (against my will, I think cards are stupid, and late) and flowers. Things were like they used to be today; that's not good. I need to try harder to please my parents, but I can't be like Michael. Michael is a great kid, but sometimes I think he needs to get a backbone.

I just want everything to be perfect! 

I just want a job!

OH.P.S+ some things are better.

UH HUH

basically, bad habits. rOFLERS

Oh No

I tried, but it's not really that funny.

=/

Coffee LOL

I realize that I haven't really been using this ALL THAT MUCH. This is because I have been exceptionally happy lately. Not to worry, however, I'm sure I'll be using it quite regularly this summer.

I don't know how I could have possibly thought it to be so easy. I don't know how I could have thought it would be smooth sailing. For me. For me? 

I knew better before. I don't like feeling like this. I didn't want this.

I'm so easily broken. It's fucking dumb.

how the heart bends, and summer she sends 


a sky that refuses to die 


with weeds of the sea that wrap round our knees 


and a sun too hot to go down 


you come around, you come around, you come around

AND I THINK I'M FUCKING UGLY.

It's skipping...

I can't believe all of my old documents have been erased from my home computer. There was so much there, ugh. They probably read it and got rid of it. Jerks.

It's so great to be home. It smells like last summer. I have a ton of catching up to do with a few great people. I'm already annoyed, however, by the thought of most others. 

I guess I figured this might happen. I've got the jacket. HUH.

I turned out backwards

I like them though.

TREE HOWERS LATER.

There are so many fucking idiots running around.

I love the sound of finger nail clippers. Thank God Klara is clipping hers in our living room. Possibly the kitchen?

I'm not feeling this whole dance major thing. I don't think it's for me. I think I'm just going to stick with journalism and not have to wake up at the crack of dawn anymore. NO MORE.

I need to sleep. I need to stop smoking cigarettes. I need to see my chica poo! (SHOUTOWT)

BLUH

either i'm dying or i would really really like to.

sick of this place!

Her name was CE Curry and she was a bitch.

The Boxcar Children have emerged from their boxcar located behind the Days Inn in Roanoke?

slightly miserable, slightly itchy, slightly motivated, slightly inspired.

trying to get things together. just two. 

Not a robot, but a ghost

So I'm here in Roanoke, Virginia for the American College Dance Festival. I'm not entirely sure yet, but I don't think I'm happy to be here. I'm an idiot though, and I don't think I'm happy doing much of anything. Hopefully I'm just being weird because I've been crammed in a car for 12 hours. Waking up early, matching shirts, and meetings... Why don't I enjoy doing anything? 

I miss my boyfriend and my bed at home, however not being home, and other things of which right now I am not entirely sure. 

Pure tuna fish.

Reconstruction site

Basically, boyfriend and a broken ipod.

I know, you might roll your eyes at this. But I'm so glad that you exist.

SO IN LUVVV tehehehehe

In between concussions

I'm no longer accustomed to free time and I've decided that I don't really like what it does to me or my head.

I don't get it.

I think of people too much and I want everything. There is no such thing as everything.

Die

I would just like to say that this schedule is absolutely insane and I can't understand how people are expected to follow it to a tee.

I have to live my life being a half an hour early to everything. I've never been a half an hour early to anything.

Also, everyone is so annoying lately.

CYA!

Walking closer and closer

I miss Pete & Pete.

I miss high school.

Sometimes.

So this is when it goes sour,

It's been so nice outside these past few days. All I want to do is lay down in the grass somewhere and smoke things. I don't want to dance. I don't want to wear a leotard and tights again today, especially not from 7-10 at night. I'm a bitch. It's always getting me places that is the struggle. Once I'm there I'm normally fine if you ignore my constant glances at the clock. Two things in my life are just like this LOL. I need more money.

STEVEN DIKOWITZ IS COMING TO UF NEXT YEAR AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

Mine's not a high horse

Rarely does it ever occur to me how truly strange some people you encounter are. You know, strange in the sense where you are forced to wonder how the fuck their minds even function, thought processes, etc. I just don't understand why some people do what they do. Simple as that. I love having to hide from friends in a way. Love. It.  Hide some of myself, some of me, as a precaution. Not trying to get things stolen, ya know? Now I understand. Round three.

Also, I've decided to work harder. I know I've said that before. Maybe I'm sick, maybe I'm smoking too much, but either way I feel so so lazy. I need to try and dick around less.

Today was funny. I worked for five hours with the dance company at a concession stand in the O-Dome during the Ne-Yo show and then meditated with some friends to Godspeed You! staring up at the glow in the dark stars Jonathan and I put up. Now, 4 hours sleep.

Turns out

not into any of it.

Cleaning the ocean

I have had only three major serious conversations in my life. By serious conversations I mean the people involved are both struggling to say something, but won't, and the subject is something the other person doesn't want to hear and something the speaker doesn't want to say or is avoiding in general. 

I really hate those.

Don't know where I can buy a heart

The one I've got is shoddy

Zero to love

I can't believe that Pilates is actually one of my classes in college. It's not even legitimate Pilates. Today we breathed for an hour and a half. We felt each other breathe and we breathed through straws. Joanie says we shouldn't "pussy foot" around. I completely agree.

I found out after that modern was cancelled. Wonderful. So now, I have a break until Acting and am just stuffing my face with chicken fingers, bundling up, and watching the Science of Sleep/sleeping/finishing Breakfast of Champions until then. I really need to shower, too.

UHM, I wish my microwave would stop beeping and I wish I could decide where I am going to spend this weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go home. I mean, Alice is going to drive with me, I get my car...I GET MY CAR?...and I get to see sum d00d. Or, I could just have 1 of 3 enjoyable weekends in Gainesville. 

Also, OOPS SORRY WAT.

Grizzly

What am I supposed to do with all of this newspaper?

I keep getting the impression that my friends back home are floating farther and farther away into some careless universe they've created in their heads. So damn spiritual about nothing. Can't you feel the knife?

I slept through ballet this morning and have been walking around campus in the same clothes I slept in from 10:45-4:00. I can only keep doing this if I wake up on time, you know? Limitations are good.

Pluto gang

I feel like I'm the messiest girl in every room I enter today. 

Got a bad case of de curses and just drapin' 247.

I'm having fun in college.

LOL!

Do you wake up in the middle of the night because of your asthma?

Waves.

I wish I could bake cookies. I've decided that I am going to spend more money on food from now on. Also, I want to get organized. 

I think I'm going to try harder too.

I like the free days with no expectations.

Just graduating and shit.

Yellow lights mean slow down, not speed up.

It's funny. I just can't wrap myself around the concept of being completely and utterly oblivious. I mean these are miniscule examples, but it's things like these that sometimes just get to me. This girl sits next to me on the bus, but we are separated by a plastic barrier. Still, the entire ride she kept digging her elbow into my arm. I kept moving it, maybe in an attempt to hint that yeah, you're both hurting and bothering me, but she didn't notice or care. Today, I'm riding the bus home and someone is blasting opera and the entire bus can hear it. First of all, probably 1 out of 15 people actually enjoy opera and second of all I would think that they would keep the volume down a little so nobody overhears it. WHINE WHINE WHINE. I know.

I've been checking my email literally every 5 minutes. You know who should really be doing her job. Especially today. It's a big day. I got my yellow chip, but I plan on blowing it.

I'm in one of those moods where I don't feel like doing anything and anything I do do has a negative kind of feel to it. 

You think you have it figured out with all those witty sayings.

I keep hearing the same thing on repeat.

Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.

I guess that makes sense because this feels like pulling teeth.

You keep talking about temptation: That you can't have just one.

I'm still that person and I'm still an alcoholic.

I'm and alcoholic and my problem is me.

Stark raving. Stark raving to leave.

You keep putting your feet in shoes too small.

Fake it and it will come true?

We all know that doesn't really work.

Just too tired.

All this time awaiting night

At its end awaits a trial.

FIN?

Today is supposed to be it. 

I don't believe in anything so you might as well forget about me.

Fuck seniority. Seriously, you're not good. I remember it being this way as a freshman in high school as well. I wish things were based on raw talent sometimes.

I can't see farther than my own nose at this moment.

But in all honesty, talk about something else. Fuck.

OH, and I took two.

Camera Obscura all day everyday. FTW.

and I want to walk around with you

Missing you all already.

I had a wonderful weekend. I got to see all of my good friends from Davie minus the Venezuelans and Mr. Wolman. We celebrated Eric's birthday, I watched them smoke, and we went to this beautiful nature trail called the Devil's Millhopper. There is a sinkhole there that I've decided I want to spend all of my days at. Now, it's not what you would normally think of when you hear the word sinkhole. It's this area surrounded by waterfalls and trees and is enclosed by the closest things that Florida has to mountains. Peaceful as fuck. Gainesville is shaping up to be a pretty nice place to be. I guess you just have to be with the right people in order to truly enjoy yourself somewhere.

I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. I'm actually enjoying school, have met some great new people, and have this average boy... I would feel entirely too lame to insert a winky smiley face here. Just so you know.

My six month DC adventure is slowly coming to a close (thank God). I'm supposed to graduate on Thursday and took what is supposed to be my last test today. AA is becoming ridiculously old and unfortunately routine. Nothing there even shocks me anymore. I guess I can chalk it up as yet another interesting and informative life lesson. The other night some homeless man asked me to accompany him one day for some coffee. I found out last night that he is indeed homeless. Correct me if I'm wrong, but clues: he has no car, was returning to the Salvation Army at 8:30 in the evening, and pretty much wears the same thing every time I see him. Also, he gives me lifesavers covered in dirt. Bless his little alcoholic heart.

You're perfect, just don't ask me how to spell things.

Woke up sucking a lemon

Do you ever have those days where you feel like everyone hates you?

I know they don't, I just can't help but think I ruined relationships with two of my best friends. And it's not what you think. No one did anything wrong, really. Just felt.

I just woke up and I don't know what to think. I can't think right now. Suspension. I need someone to talk to. Someone I WANT to talk to. 

Seems like you had it right. Waiting is all that I know.

1 day and it didn't last. It didn't fucking last. Who would have thought? I fell asleep waiting for a friend to call (turns out she didn't because someone was breaking her finger) and woke up to my two roommates talking in the kitchen. Luckily enough, the topic of me came up. It was a good day for it too. Nothing bad was said either. One of my roommates said that she can relate with my feelings towards Gainesville, that she hates it too. And then the both of them agreed: "She hates everything. Everything." They justified this statement by saying (in so many words) that my negative outlook is deserving because of how bad my luck is. I don't know how I feel about that. My old roommates said the same thing: "I don't know anyone who hates everything as much as you do." Of course, this was all endearing, but I didn't know that people really do pick up on my cynicism. 

Burn the maps

I'm happy? I'm happy.

We'll see how long it lasts.

On another note, AA is getting to me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Edit: I was speaking to an older man during one of my 30 minute breaks between meetings. We had spoken before and he had even given me a glance at some of his poetry. My dancing came up and he began telling me of all the old dancer friends he had. He told me that one had become a teacher; she didn't have the body for ballet. The older man then added that they were lovers. He then looked at me and said, "She used to stand in the kitchen washing dishes and I would come up behind her and stick it in." And that is all he said.

So cheap and juicy

Hey remember that time when it hurt to walk?

Hey remember that time when I had to spend any and every bit of free time at the triangle club?

Only two weeks thank goodness. I mean spending 5 hours with old ex alcoholic men is cool and all, but it won't pain me too much to see them go. Sick of the big book.

I can't see my floor!

This place was built for moving out

Back again and already unhappy. I'm falling back into my old ways.

Why can't we live together? Did I screw that up to?

Why am I missing you already? It's your fault.

Tomorrow morning begins in 4 hours. I hope I don't sleep through class.

There's a cat in my closet.

I can't be cute and I can't tell yet. 

...just standing here on this frozen lake.

I miss seeing Alanna everyday.